Take My Hand (and we will fight this war together)
by Ruby Casablanca
Summary: Riley leaned over the bathroom sink and braced herself for the results of the damning blue stick. Two lines. Pregnant.


Take My Hand (and we will fight this war together)

Riley leaned over the bathroom sink and braced herself for the results of the damning blue stick.

Two lines.

 _Pregnant_.

Her stomach rolled and she immediately hunched over the toilet, heaving hot bile into the bowl. She had thrown up once before the test, but did so again now for good measure, as if she could rid all the contents of her body. Her bottom lip trembled as she wiped the sick off with the back of her hand. She was too weak to stand, too weak to do anything other than panic.

For the first time, she was grateful that Will had taken the blockers. Usually she hated the damn things; even though they kept the cluster safe, they kept her separate from Will. He could be right next to her and he might as well have been a million miles away. Now, she is grateful for the distance. Kala made a new batch that lasted twelve hours; Will had taken one right before going into town with her dad an hour ago, and he would be gone all day.

Eleven hours. Riley had just less than eleven hours to figure out what to do.

No doubt Will would be thrilled, completely ecstatic at the news that they were going to have a baby. How could he not? He loved her more than anything, the same as she loved him, and this child who would be a perfect mix of that love...who could see that as anything less than wonderful?

There had to be something wrong with her, something very, _very_ wrong. Because all Riley could feel was intense, crippling fear.

"Oh my _God_ ," came Nomi's voice filled with disbelief. "You're having a _baby_?"

Riley spun around as she saw the hacker's reflection in the mirror, alarmed at the invasive presence of one of her cluster only to be assaulted by another.

"Ahh!" Kala squealed as she ran over and gave Riley a hug, though it turned out more like Kala squeezing her shoulders together. "This is so exciting!"

"This is a joyous occasion," Capheus beamed, flashing Riley one of his signature smiles, though this one was even wider than usual.

Looking around, nearly everyone was there, stuffed in her bathroom. Wolfgang was sitting outside the open doorway, offering silent support. Kala was fussing about proper neonatal care, channeling her aunties who she usually berated for this kind of behavior. Capheus was still smiling so wide his cheeks must have hurt while Nomi relayed everything to Amanita's end and Lito dabbed away the tears escaping down his cheeks.

The cluster very rarely came together like this outside times of planning or danger. How _lucky_ Riley felt to have the occasion arise at such a _perfect_ time. Perhaps it was her underlying distress that had summoned her cluster to her, but they hardly cared about her fears now that they knew. They were distracted, buzzing with all the excitement she herself should have been feeling but couldn't bring herself to.

"Wait, is the rest of the cluster going to feel the effects of the pregnancy as well?" Nomi asked, ever curious.

Subconsciously, Kala went to rub her flat stomach as if suddenly a baby would appear inside her as well. Lito did the same, frowning.

"I hope not," the superstar lamented, pouting. "I've already had to experience cramps."

The chatter continued around her, the same series of harsh syllables broken up and smashed back together again in an endless cycle. It sounded like buzzing in her ears, like a ringing that just got louder and louder and _louder_ until it felt like she was going to -

"Give her space," Sun instructed calmly, though everyone knew her well enough now to heed her sparse words carefully. In her silence, no one had noticed her slip inside. "Can't you see she needs room to breathe?"

Riley looked up at the Korean woman, eternally grateful for her intervention.

The rest of the cluster seemed to take notice to Riley after that, recognizing that she was not nearly as thrilled about the new addition to the family as they were. Briefly, as if in explanation, her thoughts flickered to Magnus, Luna, and the car crash...the night she lost her first family. Long, buried and painful memories that everyone ignored because Riley herself chose to shove them aside. Though she no longer felt haunted by survivor's guilt, that didn't stop the overwhelming current of terror from washing over her, tainting what should have been a happy moment with haunting images of the past repeating itself over again.

This time, instead of Magnus bludgeoned by the weight of a frozen car and left to freeze in the Icelandic winter, it was Will. His forehead covered in blood, lips blue, heart impossibly silent.

Riley flinched and swiped the tears stinging in the corners of her eyes, the rest of the cluster following suit. Their happy moods were ruined as well, disappearing one by one as they left Riley to her own misery. She needed space. They could see that now. Only Sun remained, her dark eyes watching, waiting.

"I feel like this is a betrayal...to their memory..." Riley cried, pushing her head between her knees.

Silence stretched between them for what felt like forever. Sun studied Riley, watched her cry, watched her run her hands through bleached blonde hair until the panic died down. The woman had endless patience, and even more compassion hidden behind a reserved exterior.

"Before my mother died, she made me promise to look after Joong-Ki. After what he did to our father, I had to decide if I wanted to honor my mother's final wish or to let my father's murderer go free," Sun mused, staring at the wall as she usual did when telling her stories. "I do not regret my decision to pursue my brother. Not anymore."

"Why?"

"Because sometimes the ghosts of our past tie us down and prevent us from moving forward," Sun said, turning her dark, intense eyes onto Riley's red-rimmed ones. "In order to be free we must choose to live _our_ lives, not theirs."

The silence returned, Sun's words setting in. Deep down, Riley knew she spoke the truth. The past was clawing at her ankles, dragging her down into the frozen tundra, crippling her chance at future happiness. The longer she wallowed, the tighter its grip. The only problem was finding the strength to let go.

"What do I tell Will?" Riley asked desperately, as if Sun held all the answers.

Sun canted her head up, resting against the wall, and Riley wondered how badly the woman craved a cigarette. Words blew from her lips like smoke, permeating the air, stinging down Riley's lungs and filling her with the resolve she lacked the courage to muster on her own.

"The truth."

* * *

Will and her father came home later that night with groceries and other purchases in tow.

If Will noticed anything suspicious, any change in Riley's behavior, he didn't say a thing. In fact, he barely spoke to her outside of 'hello' followed by a peck on the cheek. Her father had tasked him with putting everything away, the older man fixing Riley a cup of hot tea and catching her up on the day's adventures. Riley loved that her father had taken kindly to Will; nothing made her happier than her two favorite guys getting along. Any other night and she would have loved to curl up by the fire and hear all about their day, but every word just flew in one ear and out the other. She tried her best to look interested, but every few minutes her eyes would flicker to the window, to the doors that creaked as if Will would appear and she would be that much closer to her confession. She was running out of time anyway. The clock on the wall kept _ticking ticking ticking_ , precious minutes slipping away. There were minutes left. Minutes before the blockers wore off and Will would know every single painful detail about her earth-shattering day.

She found him in the bathroom adjacent to their room, dressed for bed in a soft grey shirt and sweat pants. Not for the first time, Riley was stricken with how naturally he fit there. Will seemed like such a normal, necessary feature, as if he'd been there all along. Wistfully, she let herself fantasize. She imagined a future in her childhood home with Will and their baby. The smell of pancakes on the stove and a daughter with chubby fingers coated white with Riley's favorite dairy treat, a toothless smile on rosy, healthy cheeks.

Riley didn't know why her mind supplied a daughter. Perhaps to make up for the one she already lost.

Noticing her reflection in the mirror, Will turned and smiled. Riley went over and let him pull her into his embrace, strong arms making her feel secure for the first time all day.

"Missed you," he sighed, chin resting on top of her head.

"Missed you too," she mumbled into his shirt. Having him here kept her grounded, like her world wasn't spinning quite as violently. Her heart was hammering out of her chest, beating erratically against his. There was no way he didn't notice.

"Everything alright?" he asked, pulling away to study her face.

"Fine. Just cold...and tired," she said, shaking her head. It was chilly, but she was used to the bitter Icelandic weather. The goosebumps on her arms and prickling down her spine were for another reason entirely.

"Get some rest," he encouraged, grabbing the vial of blockers from the medicine cabinet. "Just have to take these and I'll be there in a minute."

She wrapped her hand on top of the one holding the blockers. She didn't want another wall between them. Not yet. Not until this was over.

Will looked at Riley curiously, setting the vial down to take both of her hands in his.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, concerned. "You've been acting strange since I got back."

 _So he did notice_. Riley tried to smile, but he had already sniffed out something suspicious. Her cop, always on the hunt for clues, determined to solve all the problems. It was something she loved about him. Right now, however, it only made her antsy. The more he searched and inquired, the closer he got to piecing things together on his own, so she should just gather her wits and _tell him_ already -

"Hey," Will said, calling her back to the present. His hand were on her cheeks, cupping her face and brushing away tears she hadn't even know she was shedding. His own face was twisted into something akin to worry. "What's wrong? Please, just tell me how I can fix it."

"Nothing's wrong...nothing to be fixed," she said, though unconvincingly. Her voice was shaking horribly, as were her legs and if she didn't sit soon she was going to fall on the floor.

"Will, I - " she started, trying to catch her breath. She forced herself to be calm. This was Will. Will loved her. Will was safe and kind and he would understand how she felt no matter what because he was just that wonderful, and he deserved to know from her about the child growing in her stomach. Will who was looking up at her as if she were the most important thing in the entire universe and just wanted to make her happy again.

Riley let out a watery, nervous laugh and tried again.

"Will...I'm pregnant."

Three words. So simple, yet so powerful. They left Will speechless, a myriad of emotions playing across his face alternating from confusion to skepticism to awe to joy and a hundred more. He was shocked still, his hands locked in hers, the grip becoming tighter and his palms sweatier.

"We're going to have a baby?" he asked cautiously, and she nodded her head, biting on her bottom lip.

She tried her best not to smile but his was just so infectious that she couldn't help but duck her head as her cheeks flushed. It was the first time that happiness penetrated her wall of terror, but damn if he didn't look so wonderstruck. Like a kid at Christmas. Like someone had just handed him everything he had ever wanted all at once.

He scooped Riley up and spun her in a circle, crashing their lips together in a haste. The blockers had worn off completely now and every touch felt electric, like fireworks sparking across her skin. Any other night she would be jumping at the chance to get him into bed and relish the sensation of being that close. Now, it was overwhelming, the intensity of the connection making her feel even more vulnerable. Her insecurities, her morbid thoughts and daydreams all poured through their bond, occupying the forefront of Will's attention.

The mood sobered. He walked her into the bedroom to the edge of the bed, sitting her down as he kneeled in front, their hands still intertwined. Riley was afraid that if he let go, the nightmares would carry her away.

"You're not happy," Will said, a fact that he could not seem to reconcile with his own joy.

"I'm scared," she admitted, her voice small and unsure. "I've already lost a child once. I can't lose anyone else, not again...not you."

She had only just learned to love again, to open herself up to this foreign man. Despite their short time together, they had forged a connection far deeper than any other she had experienced. Love inside a cluster might be the vainest form of narcissism, but Will was something she could no longer live without. She wouldn't survive another heartbreak. With so much danger surrounding them, with so many enemies out to get them, there was too much to risk. Every day was not guaranteed, and she wouldn't have the strength to go on if something happened or if Will or this baby were taken from her. She revolted at the thought, more hot tears burning her eyes as they squeezed past her lashes.

"You don't have to do this alone," Will assured. She curled into him, his arms wrapping around her and holding her close, lips brushing across her temple as he swore, "I'll protect you. Both of you."

"We all will," came Wolfgang's voice from across the room.

Scattered across the bedroom was the rest of the cluster. They were an all-encompassing presence, far more reserved than before but unified with a single objective: protect. Compassion and determination fell off them in waves, blanketing Riley in sensations of safety and comfort. She could have cried all over again. Her cluster, beside her when she needed them, ready to fight for her and her child. _Their_ child.

After all, they were a family, and families looked after their own.


End file.
